We All Live in A Yellow Submarine

Today is my dad's 60th birthday (it's also his brother's 59th birthday and my brother turns 33...weird little family trivia). This is bittersweet, because my dad died of cancer six weeks after his 30th birthday. I find myself pondering all that has changed in those 30 years and wondering what Daddy- forgive me that name, I was 6 when he died- would think of it all.

There have been major world events that I think he would have cared about: the Berlin Wall came down and Communism lost its grip on Eastern Europe. I don't know his politics so I can't say what he would have seen as the better times: the Reagan Revolution or the Clintonian 90's. Being a huge Beatles fan, my dad would have grieved John Lennon's senseless death and George Harrison's tragic one. He was a sports fan, so he no doubt would have enjoyed the A's three World Series trips in the late 80's and 1990, the dominance of the 49ers in the 80's, and watching his sons progress through Little League. There have been space shuttles, stock market crashes, national scandals and triumphs. I imagine discussing all of this with him would have been interesting. Part of me thinks we would have argued the way I did with his father over just about everything; maybe we would have agreed. Either way, I wish we could have the chance.

He missed other things, too, and they are what my dad really cared about. All three of his children graduated from college and have professional careers. Two of us are married to amazing people who fit right in to the August fold. My dad has 4 grandchildren, three beautiful, bright, blonde girls and one vivacious, independent, handsome boy. His kids are more than just siblings, but friends who actually like hanging out together. When he died, his parents and brothers did everything they could to stay a part of his children's lives and keep our dad alive for us (without making him god-like...he may not have liked that as much!). And our mom took care of us and let us know in many ways that she loved us and our dad did, too.

Of course, there were little moments that he would have relished as well. My dad would have laughed and teased me mercilessly about the time I tripped and fell on the basketball court after a time out cheer (it really was funny). He would have thought Jeff's blue hair experiment was fantastic, especially when the coloring started to run down his face. The time Kevin got thrown out at second after tripping at first would have been a pretty great story. So was watching Kevin hit two home runs in one game, listening to Jeff's album, Expansion to Venus, or walking me down the aisle at my wedding.

My dad used to play the guitar and some of the first songs I knew all of the words to were Beatles songs. We three kids would sing as our dad strummed the tune. One song in particular stands out: "Yellow Submarine" (We also watched the slightly freaky, at times scary, but cool-because-it-was-the-Beatles animated film).

"As we live a life of ease
Everyone of us has all we need
Sky of blue, sea of green
In our Yellow Submarine"

They're not the lines one would think of in a post like this, I'm sure. But they are true. There has been a great deal of blue sky and green sea. Heart ache has been a part of my experience, too, as it is in everyone's life. Some days, I am more acutely aware of what I did not have because I lost my dad so young. But I have memories, living memories, of a wonderful human being who in six short years taught me much and holds a huge place in my heart. And I have my brothers, knock-offs of the original, both just as amazing in their own rights. My son, whose middle name is for my dad, reminds me every day that as some in our lives must move on, others come to fill our hearts in ways we did not know possible.

Happy birthday, Dad. Want to go watch Yellow Submarine?