The Battle of the Bulge

For years, I had no trouble with my weight. I could eat what I wanted, work out or not, and I stayed in the same weight range...150-160 pounds. I had some behaviors that were less than honorable. Sometimes, I would not eat for a day or two. Other times, I would take large amounts of laxatives to clear out my system. After a particularly painful break-up, I went off the deep end. It took heart palpatations for me to realize I had an eating disorder and needed help. I got the help and learned to eat normally again. That was a good thing.

Later, I had to take a medication to control a minor health problem. The medication was temporary and did its job, but an unfortunate side affect was weight gain to the tune of 40 pounds. After failing to lose that weight, I did something that put even more weight on my frame...I got pregnant. And due to mandated bed rest and preeclampsia gained another 100 pounds.

I don't carry all of that extra weight on my body anymore, but I still carry too much of it. I have been told by my doctor that I need to lose about 70 pounds. It pains me to type that, but it's true. I get scared by my inability to lose the weight especially since my eating habits are not bad. My exercise habits are a problem. (I believe the words are inconsistent and sporadic.) Although, when I was working out regularly, my weight did not go down much either. I've had my thyroid checked; no medical cause for my lack of results.

Whatever it is, I have to lose this weight. First, my grandmother and my mother both had bypass surgery in their 50's. I don't want to be the third generation. Second, I hate the way I look. Every time I look in a mirror, I am shocked by what I see. That fat chick staring back cannot be me. Don't get me started on pictures of me...I used to love pictures. Now, I don't want to be on "that" side of the camera.

I'm hoping by blogging about it, I will hold myself more accountable. Maybe I'll exercise more-that's the lynch pin in my struggle-if I share say it outloud. It also really helps my arthritis to be physically active. Something has to change that's for sure. I love myself, but I really hate the way I look.

SPRINGBREAK!!!

Oh man, did I need spring break this year. This cold I've been fighting since October might actually go away now. My darling husband let me sleep in and rest on Saturday, Sunday, and today. I almost feel human again.

Time to get a lot of things done that haven't been done in the last few weeks (or months). Lap-a-thon needs my attention. I have some papers to grade. The bedrooms and office are a bit disorganized and I am embarassed to discuss the condition of our shower. I have a few doctor's appointments-I always schedule those on breaks or weekends, because writing sub plans is my LEAST favorite thing to do.

This doesn't sound like much of a break, but I will take it! The best part of this week is that I will be able to attend every single swim practice. Look for an updated video of Milo, the fish. I may even film a baseball game, too! Hooray for gettting to do my favorite job of all this week: being Milo's mom!

Update

Milo has been on Straterra now for 2 weeks and the changes are profound. He has an easier time staying in his seat, dealing with set backs, and focusing on work. He isn't as bouncy or fidgety. In fact, his swim coach said she has noticed how much calmer Milo is. And his teacher has been very positive about the changes in him as well.

The first school day after Milo started his medication was day I realized we had made the right decision. Gavin was out of town and those days are always stressful- they make me wonder how single moms make their lives work day in and day out. Normally, when Gavin is out of town, I get everything ready the night before so that I can mitigate the inevitable issues I will face in the morning. Namely, it will take Milo twice as long to get ready as it does when his dad is home in the morning. The disruption to his schedule is just too much for him. I usually have to ask him two and three times to do minor tasks and keep his focus on getting out the door. This particular day (and several of the days after when Gavin has been gone), Milo was ready on time. I gave him an instruction once and he did them as told. It was a noticeable change and a pleasant one.

Of course, all is not perfect. There are still little behavioral quirks of Milo's that no medication could change. But it's nice to hear my kiddo say "Mom, the medicine is really helping. I think it's making me smarter. Think I can start college at 15?"

Sure, dude, right after you remember to put the toilet seat down.

He Sleeps

I am a firm believer in children being active, not over-scheduled, but active. Today, however, was ridiculous for my kid.

Baseball season just started and Milo had practice for an hour and a half. That was after a 45 minute swim practice and before a 30 minute private swim lesson. The upside: he fell asleep at 8:35. The downside: he had McDonald's for dinner (which I am certain he burned off...can't say the same for me!).

Milo loves sports and they are good for him. He feels successful and he gets to be with kids his own age. Tonight, he earned his freestyle ribbon. That means he has two ribbons left: butterfly and breaststroke. After that, he will only swim with his team four days a week. Baseball practice moves to Wednesday with games on Saturdays. Did I mention he plays basketball on Fridays? Somewhere amongst all of these sports we do homework, read together, and eat dinner. We're also trying to figure out how to fit in music lessons. Maybe adding something to his schedule is just not in the cards, but Milo really wants to learn how to play the electric guitar. Time will tell. For now, my little Rennaisance man sleeps.

This Sucks

I have psoriatic arthritis. I do many things to deal with my "condition" (God, that sounds so...I don't know...serious). Acupuncture, diet, disease modifying drugs, and exercise all work together to make my arthritis a non-issue. I get to go on with my life, do what I want to do, and give myself an injection once every two weeks. No sweat. Except tonight, I am supposed to be at baseball practice and pizza with the new team. And I am not.

The last couple of months have been rougher than normal. I've been sleeping a lot on the weekends to deal with the exhaustion that accumulates throughout the week. Of course, I could try to slow down my life so I didn't get so tired. But then I'd have to rename my blog. I'd also be bored; I actually like all the stuff I do. Sometimes, I claim I am overwhelmed and every so often I am legitimately so. To be honest, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if my life wasn't go-go-go. I've been operating with a million irons in the fire for as long as I can remember.

Generally, I don't stop for being tired. I do have to stop when I have pain. That's what is going on today. I can't stand up straight, my left foot feels like it's breaking every time I step on it, and my hips just hurt. Luckily, my hands are just swollen and don't hurt (yet?!?) so I can vent a little here.

I haven't been as good about diet and exercise as I should lately. Time to kick it back up a notch. And time to stop bitchin'. Thanks for listening.

I Wore Green Today.

Public school is the bedrock of any civil society. It is in public school that millions of children learn to be productive members of the electorate. They learn to read and write, to add and subtract, about the society in which they live and the Constitution that governs it. Public schools help children learn to socialize with many different kinds of people. And, if we are lucky, children learn to love literature or art or sports or music.

Public schools have been hit hard in the last few years, especially here in California. They are chronically underfunded. Teachers are asked to do more and more with less and less. The disparity between have and have not districts grows ever larger, but even the haves are suffering. 

In the face of all of this, it would be easy to give up on public schools altogether (and I have no doubt there are those who would love to see just that). I could say that I am going to put my kid in private school or homeschool him (I do not have any quarrel with those who make those choices; everyone should have the option to choose what is best for their child) or decide that I will teach at a private school (which I have done before and did not like for many reasons) or leave teaching all together. My particular district is in program improvement; you could call us a tweener...not really a have district, but not entirely a have not. We have challenges that need to be addressed and there is little money to do it.

Down the road a bit, there is the school my son attends. He's in a definite have district largely because concerned parents formed an educational foundation in the 80's to fund programs the state had just cut: music, libraries, and PE. At present, the foundation raises $800,000 to $1,000,000 a year for those programs and this year added funding class-size reduction in grades 3 to 5 to the list. Yet, his district will be increasing class sizes in K-2 and laying off teachers as well. My community also just passed a parcel tax for the schools in our town.

The school board of my district voted last week to pink slip 50 teachers and not ask back 15 teachers who were on year to year contracts. They may be able to rescind many of those lay-offs, but the fact remains that teachers are going to lose their jobs at a time when teachers are needed more than ever.

Research shows that lower class sizes improve student achievement, especially in the lower grades. Teachers can do their jobs more effectively when there are fewer children in the room because we can get to each child, teach them their grade-level standards, and differentiate where needed. That is what I want to do; it's what all of my colleagues want to do. We want to do the best job possible for our students. But it seems dollars trump research in education (although that doesn't seem to be an issue in education alone)

The fact of the matter is we will do the best we can no matter what happens with the budget. I will teach my butt off day in and day out even though there are 36 kids in some of my language arts class. Yes, you read that right. I'm lucky, though, some of my colleagues who teach math, social studies, and science have 40 kids in their classes. 6th grade core classes can be that large as well.

Nothing-not insane class sizes, nor budget cuts-can take away the power of an effective teacher. And I know MANY effective teachers. I would be remiss if I didn't sing the praises of the group of teachers I work with. They are truly some of the most talented and dedicated people I know. The 7th and 8th grade language arts team of which I am a member is solid, hard-working, innovative and caring (and they even let me be a part of their group!). Each of us has strengths and we make each other better even though most of the time we spend collaborating is time for which we get no compensation. Wait, that's not entirely true. We get to see our classes succeed.

You should see the curriculum developed by the art teacher at my school. She was given nothing to start with and has developed an art program that teaches children principles of art in multiple modalities, art history, and ties many of her art lessons in to what is going on in other classes. She also does this with almost no budget with which to speak. One of my 6th grade language arts colleagues is a single mother and quite possibly one of the best teachers of English language learners I have ever seen. She teaches the kids grade level curriculum in English and is able to move students to English proficiency. She gives up her lunch hour three days a week to work with the kids that are falling behind in their classes. And she does it all between 8:30 and 4:30 because she has to go get her own child. Another colleague is one of the smartest, most accomplished people I know. Her intellect and fundamental belief that every student can and will learn in her class makes her a great teacher. I have been able to tell which students had her in 6th grade since I came to my school three years ago, because they are the most amazing writers when they arrive in my class. A third of my language arts colleagues is a creative and bold in his approach to teaching students who need extra support. He moves kids along toward grade-level standard and makes it seem so easy. Yet another of my colleagues, who also happens to be a single mother, teaches literature and social studies together in a truly creative way that acknowledges children's learning styles. And that acknowledges just seven of my colleagues. The rest of the language arts department, indeed the rest of the staff- whom I do not have the pleasure of collaborating with so closely- are just as bright and committed to their profession as those I mentioned above.

I said that my district is in program improvement, but my school is not. We have consistently met and exceeded our targets for API (California's academic rating) and AYP (the federal standard). It is due, in large part, to the quality of the teachers at my site. We do all of this in a toxic environment. The budget is forever being cut, the district office makes stupid decisions, and the federal targets for AYP are climbing unrealistically higher and higher. I can tell you with great confidence that the staff to which I belong and the teachers to whom I entrust my own child are world-class, highly-qualified individuals who care about children, their minds, and their futures.

So I wore green today. I wore green for the kids who walk into my classroom so that the funding for their learning is maintained. I wore green for my son who is being educated in the free and public school that my tax dollars support. I wore green for Cait and Laurie, Rachel and Jeff, Marilyn and Madeline, colleagues and friends who deserve better than our state gives them. And I wore green for me. I hope some of you did, too.

Milo Joseph August Duncan

Last year, on his birthday, Milo woke up and said, "I'm odd!". He was referring to the fact that he was now seven. But it was an interesting way to say good morning.

He likes swimming, baseball, soccer, world history, Legos, video games, heavy metal (thanks to my husband) and has an interesting sense of humor. Case in point, in kindergarten, all the kids had to make gingerbread people decorated any way they chose. Some kids made Christmasy creations; a lot of the little girls over-dosed on glitter. My son? He made Darth Ginger. Which I, OF COURSE, put on our Christmas card.

I took Milo to his first day of preschool when he was 3. By the time I had parked the car, he had unbuckled his car seat and was trying to open the door (thank goodness for child rear door locks). Anyway, I opened the door and he shot out like a rocket, ran up the steps, and was astonished to see me behind him. He looked at me and said, "I got this, Mom. You can leave now." I made him give me a hug and kiss. And then I went and sat in my car and cried.

Every year with Milo has been a gift. Every precious little moment is a treasure. I'm lucky to be his mom. I'm also grateful for modern medicine. A very talented team of doctors kept Milo and I alive on March 3, 2002 so that I could say...

Happy Birthday, Bunky Space Beaver. You make my world a better place.